The Anchorite has begin this fine story. I will continue it
later (that's the way we do our tandem stories). but for now, here is what he
has done.
Twitch yawned as he woke up from
a nap. He had a wonderful dream that he could haz peezza. He had this dream
several times, or so he thought, and the peezza tasted yummy in his dream noms,
but it somehow did not feel right? Twitch thought about it, but he could not
quite determine why it felt off. He had felt strange for days now, as if
something was wrong that he could not determine. He shrugged it off and hopped
over to his food bowl. His human Chris treated him as she provided all the noms
he could eat and a steady stream of crisp fresh water that he thoroughly
enjoyed. Chris loved him and his lifelong friend as if they were her own
children, constantly wrote about them on her blog, and even submitted photos of
them that wound up in the bestselling book “I Can Haz Peezza.”
After a meal every bit as good as
in his dream, Twitch skipped outside of the house to the heated backyard pool.
He saw his best friend lounging around in the pool, enjoying the temperature
control and Jacuzzi jets that their human Chris installed to keep her beloved
pets happy. Twitch called out,
“Morning, Mr. Tadpole! How’s the
water today?”
Mr. Tadpole did a lazy backstroke
and then hopped onto the heated lilypad set up in the pool. Chris spared no
expense in creating an accurate recreation of a frog pond.
“Ribbit! Come on in Twitch, the
water’s perfect. I raised the heat to ‘sauna’ and Chris loves us so much that
she doesn’t mind paying the bill.”
Twitch hopped over to join Mr.
Tadpole on the lilypad. The two lounged in the warm sunlight and flicked their
tongues at the summer insects that buzzed around them. Twitch caught a
shimmering dragonfly and slurped as he swallowed the tasty morsel.
“This is the life, eh my friend?”
“Yes Tadpole, it is, but
something is not right and I can’t put a webbed finger on it.”
“What are you talking about,
Twitch? Chris adores us and gives us plenty of snuggles. We even ended up in
that LOLFrogz book and became internet celebrities. We frogs and toads are the
most loved pets out there, and we’re the top frogs. Humans go crazy watching
videos of us and spending inordinate amounts of time exchanging LOLFrogz and
MemeToad images. We’re way ahead of those big dumb lizards. We frogs totally
beat them in Chris’s online poll of frogs vs. lizards and she wrote a hilarious
blog post of ten reasons why frogs are better than lizards.”
“You’re right about all of that,
Tadpole, but doesn’t it seem strange to you? I’ve been having some odd dreams
lately and I have this strange feeling like … none of this is real.”
“What are you talking about,
Twitch? Life’s never been better for us.”
“But don’t you think that maybe
it’s not supposed to be?”
At that moment a huge splash of
water shot out of the pool and a sinuous green reptile emerged from the pool.
He approached the two small frogs, flashing a mouth full of sharp teeth. Mr.
Tadpole and Twitch spoke in unison,
“Hello LOLGator!”
The LOLGator winked at them and
opened his massive jaws, revealing a toad sleeping on his tongue. His bumpy,
light brown skin contrasted with the smooth, green hue of the two frogs. The
sleeping toad shook himself awake and smoothly hopped out of the alligator’s
mouth. The LOLGator spoke,
“Gawsh! Good morning guys. I
didn’t want to say anything until TT stepped out of my mouth. I don’t want to
bite my bestest friend, after all.”
“It’s always a pleasure to see
you LOLGator. By the way, we didn’t mean any offense with our talk about dumb
lizards. You’re awesome!”
“Golly, no offense taken.”
The toad thanked the LOLGator for
the ride and greeted the two frogs. They replied in unison,
“Good morning TT!”
TT, the Teutonic Toad, nodded to
his two friends. TT spent a successful career modeling for the covers of German
krautrock albums. He possessed the world’s largest collection of krautrock and
was as unimpeachable authority on the genre. Perhaps because of his constant
exposure to mind-altering music, TT also possessed sharper senses than the
average frog or toad.
“Guten tag, my friends. I rode
with LOLGator because I needed to arrive as quickly as possible. Twitch, I
sensed that you have had some prophetic dreams that are affecting your
consciousness. I have had similar visions for weeks now and I perceive these
bizarre emanations more sharply than your own fuzzy, vague senses. You are
correct that something is not right with this world. I have meditated and
explored this subject while blasting Eisbrecher at full volume and I believe
that I have an answer…”
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