How to Write a Lens on Squidoo
A "lens" is what they call articles on Squidoo. Today I wrote a lens on how to write a lens.
Writing Ideas
Here are some article ideas I've had floating around in the back of my brain:
- Sleep apnea - how to deal with it if you don't have insurance
- Sleep apnea - not using your cpap? here are techniques and tricks to make it work for you
- Sleep apnea - exercises, gadgets and practices to beat this killer
- Sleep apnea - do you have it? you don't have to be fat or male to have it, and those online screening quizzes for it might cost you your life
- Lateral Epicondyl Tendonitis - The Tyler Twist is a cure
- Aching at your computer? These gadgets and practices can help
- Cats - all the best products to pamper your furry overlord (Actually, the cats wrote an article on this already, but I could do one too, and, not to toot my own horn, but I write a lot better than them.)
- Cats - Bladder infections can kill male cats within 24 hours. Here's what you need to know
- Cat heroes - Cats that have saved lives (I have touched on this, but haven't done a formal article). Housecats have saved people from fire, carbon monoxide, and intruders. Twitch woke me up when I stopped breathing. There was also a pride of lions in Africa that saved a girl from kidnappers a couple years ago. Cats are mysterious animals.
- Cats with jobs - Again, I've blogged, but no formal article. There are lots of cats that have actual jobs, believe it or not.
- Crazy badass cats - cats chasing bears, cats fighting alligators, cats killing snakes. crazy stuff
- Cats that have solved crimes. Seriously, it's happened. DNA analysis of cat hair got a murderer convicted quite recently. 100 years ago, a cat's frightened reaction to a murderer led to him confess.
- Beauty products - all my favorites. I've spend 45 years on this planet, trying all kinds of stuff. I think I've got a system now.
- 10 minute meals - I have several recipes that require 10 minutes or less prep time.
- English usage errors, the words: peak vs pique, incidents vs incidence and all the other errors that drive me nuts
- English usage errors, the grammar: "whom" is not a fancier version of "who". "I" is not more formal than "me". "Politeness" is not a factor in English grammar--ask "me or anyone" about it. (But don't ask "anyone or me".)
- English usage errors, the punctuation: Flipping quotation marks. Do they go inside or outside of the period/comma/question mark? Capitalization after a colon, when do we do it?
Anton's Backstory
This is a tale from our favorite Chaircat's past that sheds some light on his origins (pun intended) and provides context for other stories on this blog.
Gabriel Fitzgibbon, known as Gabe
by neighborhood low lives and law enforcement, deftly opened the side window to
his dingy apartment and crawled inside. He could not use the front door barred
with an enormous padlock with an eviction notice posted beside it. Gabe fumbled
around in the dark as he had to wait until late at night so no one would see
him break into his own home. He did not dare to turn on the lights lest he
attract unwanted attention to activity in what was supposed to be a vacant
residence. The lights were a moot point anyway as he had a tall stack of past
due notices for his electric bills piled on his table, along with just about
every other delinquent account he had. The power company had long since sent
his account into collection. Gabe shrugged and thought that one benefit of not
having power was that he no longer had to see the angry red blinking light on
his answering machine full of voice mails from debt collectors, so by his
reckoning out of sight meant out of mind.
Gabe did not have to pay his
debts if his creditors could not find him, so he kept a low profile. Besides,
he needed every penny he could get. He already maxed out his line at the payday
loan center and his house of cards built with kited checks collapsed as his
landlord had finally lost his patience with Gabe’s checks that bounced as if
made of rubber. At this point he was desperately low on cash and barely had
enough to eat, although he had decent enough digs at the flophouse in Midtown.
It was nothing more than a place to sleep, which was all he needed, but he had
to come home tonight and risk getting caught for one important reason.
A sharp meow pierced the air and
Gabe desperately motioned for the cat to be quiet, as if he were a dog who would
listen to a human’s command. The cat’s meow was likely not too loud to begin
with and not audible outside of the apartment, but in this dead silence it
sounded like a lion’s deafening roar. The grey cat snuggled against his leg and
Gabe gently knelt down to lift up his pet and cradle him like a baby.
“Hey there Anton, how are you
doing buddy?”
Gabe petted his cat that he named
after his older brother. Gabe had not seen Anton in over ten years since they
had the misfortune to get arrested after their last caper together. Gabe only
got sent to juvie for his age, but Anton had crossed that magical line to be
tried as an adult and sentenced to prison. On an impulse one day when he had
extra money burning a hole in his pocket, Gabe adopted a cat from the shelter
and named him Anton after his brother. Anton the cat provided the company that
Anton the human no longer could and throughout his miserable life, this cat had
been Gabe’s best friend.
The flophouse did not allow pets,
which was the one strict rule that place had that looked the other way on most
other things, so Gabe had no choice but to leave Anton in his apartment and
sneak in to feed him and clean his litter box whenever he had the time. Gabe’s
stomach rumbled as he reached into his pocket and took out a can of cat food.
He did not have enough money to feed himself, but he would not let Anton
starve. Gabe was thankful that the dollar store gave him a discount because the
can was dented. The cat food smelled terrible when he opened the can, but he
hoped that it was safe for Anton to eat. He also purchased a bottled water at
the dollar store, again receiving a discount because it was past its expiration
date. Gabe wondered how water could possibly expire, but he had to do this
because the water company had cut him off after five final notices. He again
wondered how multiple final notices were possible, but he had more important
matters to address at this moment.
Anton’s food and water bowls were
ashtrays from the dive bar on the next block that he palmed when the bartender
was not paying attention. He washed them before using them, but he hoped that
Anton would not taste tobacco ashes in his food and water. Anton meowed
appreciatively and quickly set to eating at an eager pace that left Gabe
feeling guilty that he could not arrive sooner when his little buddy had
clearly been starving. He saw Anton scratch himself with his hind leg as he ate
and noticed an exposed patch of skin rubbed red and raw with his fur gone.
“I’m sorry buddy, I’ll take you
to the vet when I have the money but I’m short right now.”
He hoped that Anton could survive
a few more days until his next paycheck came in, net of garnishment of course.
He took a dirty spoon that he saw on the table and removed the plastic bag from
the dollar store that he had saved for this purpose. While Anton ate
contentedly, Gabe had to go clean his litter box that he could smell from here.
This was his least favorite part of owning a cat, but this task was his
responsibility. Gabriel had lived a wasted life full of bad decisions and
temptations that he could not resist. He had screwed up his own life, but he
swore to do right by his closest friend Anton. Gabe petted Anton and whispered
to him,
“Hang in there, buddy, better
days will be ahead. For what it’s worth, you have my word on that.”
He then held his breath and
proceeded to clean Anton’s litter box and in a fit of inspiration decided to
leave the bag by the front door as a surprise for any bank or police officers
who decided to step inside his apartment.
Boxers: Shane Mosley, Winky Wright, and Antonio Margarito announce retirements.
Three well known fighters also announced their retirements from the sport of boxing during this month.
http://prospectboy.hubpages.com/hub/Boxers-Shane-Mosley-Winky-Wright-and-Antonio-Margarito-retire
http://prospectboy.hubpages.com/hub/Boxers-Shane-Mosley-Winky-Wright-and-Antonio-Margarito-retire
Past Tense
Twitch rocks the bowtie.
“For the record, Kitten, doing
catnip was your idea, not mine.”
“Be that as it may, Twitch, it
wasn’t my boneheaded idea to microwave it wrapped in foil!”
“How was I supposed to know that
would happen? You’re always complaining that you don’t like your stuff cold so
I wanted to heat it up, and I thought that the microwave would bring out the
aromas in the catnip. Which it did by the way, so you’re welcome. Too bad our
human Chris got rid of that dog. I miss the days when I could blame all our
mishaps on him.”
“First of all they’re your
mishaps, Twitch, so leave me out of this. Second, why would a dog microwave
catnip? For that matter it was also your less-than-brilliant idea to throw two
cheeseburgers, also wrapped in foil, into the microwave once you saw the sparks
from the catnip.”
“I thought they’d cancel each
other out, or something. Besides, I only added in those cheeseburgers because I
know that you get hungry when you have catnip. Excuse me for being so
thoughtful.”
“Twitch, what are we going to do
with you? Chris is out a microwave and the whole house must smell like burned
catnip and cheeseburgers. I’m glad we’re not there right now, but where are we?
The last thing I remember was a bright light when you blew up the microwave and
now we’re … here.”
Mr. Kitten and Twitch surveyed
the bleak urban landscape before them. The streets were full of potholes, the
sidewalks were cracked with piles of garbage strewn about, and the buildings
looked in disrepair with most windows either boarded up or broken. They also saw
rough-looking people on the street with many standing in groups with no obvious
purpose. Twitch looked up and saw a street sign barely legible beneath the
graffiti covering its surface.
“Kitten, I don’t think this is a
question of where we are, but when. Look at this sign and the one across the
street. We’re in our neighborhood, but it’s not as we know it. I remember Chris
mentioning how bad this area used to be before the tech companies moved in and
gentrified it. We’re in the bad old days; I don’t see a Sumerian Systems Store
or a Balanced Meal market anywhere around here.”
“Come on Twitch, let’s get out of
here. I don’t like the looks of this place. I think that guy over there is a
pimp and we’re standing in front of a crack house. I’ve seen enough movies to
know it when I see it.”
The two cats walked nervously
down the street, trying to avoid staring intently at any of the angry-looking
humans. They saw a group of kids dressed in uniform colors that suggested that
they were gang members. At that moment a voice called out from the narrow alley
between two buildings,
“Get in here, quickly!”
The two cats ducked into the
space, both of them thinking that there was something familiar about that voice
that they heard. Mr. Kitten and Twitch saw a gray cat before them. He looked
emaciated from poor nutrition and had a mangy coat, yet he carried himself with
a sense of street-smart confidence.
“Those kids are up to no good,
like always. They go around committing acts of vandalism just for the hell of
it, and they like torturing whatever animals they come across. They broke a
pigeon’s wings yesterday just for fun and word has it that they set a stray cat
on fire last week and then laughed about it. Believe me; you don’t want them
laying their grubby mitts on you. I suggest you stay here until they find
something else to occupy their time.”
“Thanks for the save.”
“No prob, we cats gotta look out
for each other. By the way, the name’s Anton and I don’t mean no disrespect,
but you two look like a coddled pair of house cats who wouldn’t last five
minutes on these mean streets.”
Twitch narrowed his eyes and
replied,
“Who says we’re coddled house
cats?”
“Come on; look at that silly bow
tie. I wouldn’t be caught dead with one of those things.”
Twitch self-consciously passed a
paw over his bow tie.
“This was a gift from my human.
She took a great picture of me wearing it for her book.”
“Like I said, I don’t mean any
disrespect. I just calls it as I sees it. So what are your names?”
Mr. Kitten and Twitch introduced
themselves and then looked at each other and nodded in mutual understanding.
Was this really their supervisor Anton Fitzgibbon the Chaircat in his youth?
Considering his sharply pressed suits and unwavering professional demeanor, Mr.
Kitten and Twitch expected him to have a more glamorous background.
Anton knocked over a nearby
garbage can, spilling its contents onto the pavement. He clawed open garbage
bag and began sifting through the contents.
“While we’re waiting for the
coast to clear, we can at least get something to eat. Check this out, there’s
some good eats in here.”
Mr. Kitten wrinkled his nose as
his face made a queasy expression. Anton pawed Kitten’s ample frame.
“There ain’t no filet mignon in
there, house cat, and judging by your girth maybe you can use a change in your
diet. Come on, there’s no harm in some dumpster diving. I can see you’re not
used to this so stick with me and I’ll show you what’s safe to eat because you
sure don’t wanna get sick off this stuff.”
Mr. Kitten shrugged and followed
his future supervisor’s advice. Mr. Kitten wondered if this was the first time
he ever actually listened to what Anton said. Twitch dived in with more
enthusiasm and made an audible nomming sound. Anton erupted into a good-natured
laugh.
“You guys are alright. You guys
look like you took a wrong turn when your human went to Rosenbloom’s. Am I
right? You didn’t fall out of her purse, did you? Stick with me and you’ll be
fine. I can tell that your human loves you a lot and takes good care of you, so
I’ll help you guys get home. No cat should be separated from his adoring human.
“My human does what he can for
me, but he can’t do too much. He’s in and out of jail and he’s mostly on the
lam when he’s out. He leaves me alone for long stretches and comes back when
the heat’s off, but in between those visits I have plenty of time to learn my
way around these streets. I also have plenty of time to walk around in some
nicer parts of town and even more time to think of a plan to get out of this
ghetto. Not now, of course, since my human loves me and he’s the best friend
I’ve got, so I don’t want to go too far just yet.”
Anton slowly walked to the
alley’s exit and peered out into the street. He then turned to the two cats,
“Come on guys, the coast is
clear. My human taught me all about the importance of scoping out a place
before you stick your paws in it. Let’s go to my place first and we can come up
with a plan from there.”
They watched Anton deftly exit
the alley. Mr. Kitten and Twitch faced each other for a moment before they followed
him. Twitch spoke first,
“I’ve never seen Ditzy Fitzy
without a suit. It looked so wrong.”
Mr. Kitten rolled his eyes.
“Insightful as always. Let’s go
and see if Anton can help us get home.”
Twitch darted out of the alley
after Anton and Mr. Kitten followed at a steady trot. As he stepped out onto
the broken sidewalk, Mr. Kitten wondered whether this time-traveling
misadventure would give him some new insight into his uptight boss Anton. He
then wondered if he should feel remorse for shedding on Anton’s suit back in
the present, but he quickly perished that silly thought.
1886
Written at the request of director Noam Gonick, 1886 is a completed feature length historical drama screenplay based on the autobiography of Albert Parsons and other materials that retell the events of the Haymarket bombing of May 4, 1886, the subsequent trial and executions of anarchists in America who fought for the eight hour work day and to end child labor.
The story centers on Albert Parsons, who at age 13 fights for the CSA and later denounces his indoctrination, and his wife Lucy, an outspoken free woman of color who publishes articles, speaks to the public and leads marches.
The story also focuses on Louis Lingg, a young German carpenter unionist who emigrates to Chicago and German language newspaper publisher August Spies. Lingg committs suicide in prison, leaving behind the love of his life. Spies meets his wife as a result of the conspiracy trial. Four men are hung and buried in Waldheim Cemetery in Chicago.
1886 is a story for The 99%. It captures the current worldwide zeitgeist of the disparity between the haves and have nots. This story includes suspenseful elements such as the mystery of who really set off the bomb in Haymarket Square & torrid love affairs. 2012 marks the 125th anniversary of the executions of the Chicago Anarchists, after their struggles for workers' rights, just like the ones that we are now going through again in America and all over the world with the #Occupy movement.
Here's a Pinterest board for the story: http://pinterest.com/paidtobenice/1886-feature-historical-drama-spec/ . Mr. Gonick states Ed Lachman, ASC is also ready to be director of photography.
Want to see it? Then say it with a vote - http://www.juntoboxfilms.com/projects/1886
New review: Logitech gamepad
New review on examiner.com. I like this Logitech gamepad. It lets me set up hotkeys and automate some keystrokes. Click here to read it.
You can program mouse clicks (at least on a PC), but not mouse movements. Hotkeycontrol from Inchwest will let you do both.
I program one button to let me do Control-A
another to let me do Control-C
another for Control-V
You can program mouse clicks (at least on a PC), but not mouse movements. Hotkeycontrol from Inchwest will let you do both.
Twitch and Kitten: On the Lilypad, a tandem story
The Anchorite has begin this fine story. I will continue it
later (that's the way we do our tandem stories). but for now, here is what he
has done.
Twitch yawned as he woke up from
a nap. He had a wonderful dream that he could haz peezza. He had this dream
several times, or so he thought, and the peezza tasted yummy in his dream noms,
but it somehow did not feel right? Twitch thought about it, but he could not
quite determine why it felt off. He had felt strange for days now, as if
something was wrong that he could not determine. He shrugged it off and hopped
over to his food bowl. His human Chris treated him as she provided all the noms
he could eat and a steady stream of crisp fresh water that he thoroughly
enjoyed. Chris loved him and his lifelong friend as if they were her own
children, constantly wrote about them on her blog, and even submitted photos of
them that wound up in the bestselling book “I Can Haz Peezza.”
After a meal every bit as good as
in his dream, Twitch skipped outside of the house to the heated backyard pool.
He saw his best friend lounging around in the pool, enjoying the temperature
control and Jacuzzi jets that their human Chris installed to keep her beloved
pets happy. Twitch called out,
“Morning, Mr. Tadpole! How’s the
water today?”
Mr. Tadpole did a lazy backstroke
and then hopped onto the heated lilypad set up in the pool. Chris spared no
expense in creating an accurate recreation of a frog pond.
“Ribbit! Come on in Twitch, the
water’s perfect. I raised the heat to ‘sauna’ and Chris loves us so much that
she doesn’t mind paying the bill.”
Twitch hopped over to join Mr.
Tadpole on the lilypad. The two lounged in the warm sunlight and flicked their
tongues at the summer insects that buzzed around them. Twitch caught a
shimmering dragonfly and slurped as he swallowed the tasty morsel.
“This is the life, eh my friend?”
“Yes Tadpole, it is, but
something is not right and I can’t put a webbed finger on it.”
10 Reasons Cats are Better than Dogs
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| "The best part of waking up...is cat sh*t in your cup." |
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